


Fellowship of the Thousands

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canon - Non-canonical to good purpose, Canon - Outstanding AU/reinterpretation, Canon - Solves frequent reader complaint, Characters - Good villain(s), Characters - OOC to good purpose, Humor, Plot - Can't stop reading, Plot - Disturbing/frightening/unsettling, Plot - Fast moving, Plot - I reread often, War of the Ring, Writing - Engaging style, Writing - Evocative, Writing - Good use of humor, Writing - Well-handled PoV(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2002-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:13:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3862856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as we know, the Quest to destroy the Ring only took place once. So, how on earth did all the extra Fellowship members fit in? Told from Boromir's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Arrival of the Sues

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

**Author's Note:** This is inspired by "Nine Men and a Little Lady." Many thanks to Kielle for allowing me to build on her original premise! :-)

**Sources:** The timeline to this story was constructed using Appendix B of RotK, and the dates are translated with reference to the Encyclopedia of Arda.

**Disclaimer:** All things Middle-Earth belong to Tolkien. And I'm  
quite sure that the Mary-Sues belong to Morgoth or some other such evil figure.  


* * *

  
**Chapter One - The Arrival of the Sues**

**12 Cermië** **/** **July 4th, 3018, TA**

Ah, what a glorious day! Finally, I was able depart for Imladris to seek the meaning of that confounding riddle! I knew that if I sulked around the house long enough, father would eventually give in and let me leave. I know him all too well.

'Tis a pity Faramir did not come along, though. I had first deemed the journey too perilous for him, but now I wonder if it would be better to have his company right now. At least, he could have told me whether I was simply seeing things when those bodies started dropping out of the sky in the distance a few hours ago. It was a most disconcerting sight, and that is not even mentioning the hideous shrieks that echoed throughout the area.

I wonder if Lord Elrond will be able to explain _that_ as well?

Hmm... Best to keep such things to myself. He'll think me strange enough once he hears of my dream.  
  


* * *

**29 Urimë** **/ August 20th, 3018, TA**

****It has been nearly two months now. The screams have been getting louder and more frequent every day. One would think that as I approach Imladris, I would be _further_ from these beasts, but alas! All the directions I have received thus far only conspire to bring me closer to their unearthly screams. Do these creatures care _nothing_ for the slumber of others? If I should ever encounter one of these vile creatures, I will make sure that they get well acquainted with the edge of my blade!

Blasted villains...

I'll get them...

* * *

**Yáviérë / September 21st, 3018, TA**

****Another month passes by and _still_ I have not reached Imladris. I suppose it is too late now to regret not bothering to find a map...

But onto happier tidings - those horrible screeching... _things_... that have been falling out of the sky have _finally_ disappeared. Now, I merely see strangely clothed humans (if you can call them that) appearing and disappearing in flashes of light. It is no less startling, but at least they seem to go about their business quietly. And judging by their strange murmurs, they all seem to originate from a place called "Kansas."

Who _is_ this Toto they keep referring to?  
  


* * *

**10 Narquelië / October 1st, 3018, TA**

Valar help me, I think that I have just seen a new breed of servants for Mordor. Those supposed "humans" that have been appearing in bright flashes of light? I got a closer look at one of them today. How could I have ever thought them harmless? Perhaps I was merely too glad to be rid of the screaming monsters from the sky.

Either way, I shall never forget my first encounter with such... well, strangeness, to say the least. It had the melodious voice of a fair maiden, and politely asked me for help. I suspect that is the creature's way of fooling their prey into letting their guards down. Thankfully, its hideous and impossible appearance quickly revealed its true nature. Its eyes were an impossible violet colour, and it seemed to have painted its eyelids with an equally unsightly yellow. It also had metallic objects embedded in its ears, and what looks like bright red blood smeared on its lips. When it raised its hand towards me, as if expecting me to kiss it (I still shudder now at the thought), I noticed a bright green colour upon the tip of her fingers. Almost glowing. And its attire... Well, to say nothing of its utter lack of modesty, it is just not right that _any_ creature could withstand the cold with such a scarcity of clothing.

And the worst part of this whole encounter was that I was incapable of raising my weapon against it. For some inexplicable reason, I _wanted_ to help that dark servant. It, too, was seeking the way to Imladris. In the end, I nearly succumbed, but the strength of Gondor prevailed and I gave it directions to Mordor instead! The creature was foolish enough that it didn't notice my deception, nor that it was heading back to its homeland.

A difficult day's journey, but I believe that I have fared well enough.  
  


* * *

**3 Hísimë / October 24th, 3018, TA**

Arrived in Imladris today after several months of dreary travel. While most men would be awestruck by the beauty and grace of the elves upon arrival, I was simply amazed at the number of daughters Lord Elrond had. Now, I was never one to pay much heed to the way of children's tales, but I could have sworn elves were not supposed to be so... active in producing offspring. Well, he is a half-elven... Perhaps they are different.

I really should not comment further, as it is none of my business, but... why is it that everywhere I turn, I meet a new daughter of his? And all with different mothers!

But I digress. It is not my place to question the... actions... of Lord Elrond. I am merely here to seek his counsel.  
  


* * *

**4 Hísimë /** **October 25th, 3018, TA**

A secret council was held today to discuss matters of great importance. Odd how a whole new set of maidens previously unseen were suddenly present at the council. No longer able to contain my curiosity, I asked Lord Elrond why he would allow his daughters to attend to this meeting. My question was greeted with a great bout of laughter from him.

"Nay, these are not my daughters," replied Elrond. "These are princesses of high prestige from distant lands. They have come to the aid of Middle-Earth!"

"And what lands are these that they offer naught but women in the battle against a Dark Lord?" I asked incredulously, barely restraining my laughter.

For a moment, it seemed that Lord Elrond would agree with me, and join in my laughter. Then, his face turned grave and he responded, "Do not underestimate them, Boromir of Gondor, for though they be women, they are also the mightiest warriors of their land!"

I looked at their frail figures skeptically, but decided not to speak any further. Mighty warriors? I would not be surprised if they snapped under the weight of a true sword! The only plausible explanation I could find was that their land was simply bereft of _any_ warriors. Hmm... Yes. That must be it. How else can these weaklings possibly be the mightiest warriors in their land? A truly laughable notion.

After a tiring recap of the virtues of the princesses, we finally proceeded with the actual discussions. If I had known that they would spend so long discussing their own merits, I would never have opened my mouth and questioned them, albeit quietly and to Lord Elrond alone. It was the most excruciating form of torture I have ever known, and I am still surprised that I managed to live through it all.

As for the rest of the meeting, I can't say that went very well, either. The moment I mentioned the _possibility_ (just the possibility, mind you!) of using the One Ring to defeat Sauron, pandemonium broke out. At least twenty of the princesses stood up simultaneously and began ranting about the dangers of the ring.

"No, Boromir, you cannot _possibly_ think to wield such a powerful object!"

"No, Boromir, you _must_ continue listening to us until you understand the perils of using the ring!"

"No, Boromir, you may _not_ decapitate us. Look what evil influence the ring is having over you already!"

The rest of the meeting was too much of a headache for me to describe now. I had the immense "honour" of meeting Aragorn, Isildur's heir. The halfling decided to take the Ring to Mt. Doom. Oh, and Saruman has betrayed us all.  
  


* * *

**10** **Hísimë** **/** **October 31st, 3018, TA**

****Even more maidens have arrived at Imladris - some warriors, some royalty, and some quite insane, speaking only of someone named "Tolkien." They have all more or less calmed down by now, though, and they generally don't bother me much. Well, except for the one time I accidentally stepped on one of them. She was lying on the ground and marvelling at the beauty of the stars. I don't think she was too happy to be stepped on. Muttered something about ruining her inner soliloquoy.

Nevertheless, despite the occasional amusing incidents, my stay has been dreadfully dull (unless, of course, the constant lust for the ring is factor). Lord Elrond claimed that he was sending out scouts and choosing the people who would accompany Frodo on his quest. I'm quite sure that he is actually wasting most of his time having heart-to-heart talks with his daughters.

Ah well, another end to another eventless day... Although... Was that Legolas I just saw, running away and screaming in fear?  
  


* * *

**18 Hísimë** **/ November 8th, 3018, TA**

****A most peculiar thing happened today. One of the maidens approached me and began to talk to me as if she knew me. I didn't much feel like speaking with her, especially since her 10-syllable name was most difficult to pronounce. Still, she was _very_ persistent. She kept saying something about knowing what my heart desires and wishing to hear about it.

Strange girl. If she knew my heart's desire, why would she need me to tell her? I suspect she's bluffing.

And _still_ she pestered me with her questions, carefully prodding away at my defences. It is with shame that I admit this... but I eventually gave in to her relentless questioning. I spoke with her for hours, sharing my longing and disappointment. At the end of it all, she simply gaped at me. Perhaps I should not have dwelled so much on the topic, but it was _she_ who wanted to know. She couldn't run away from me fast enough.

This is embarrassing. I am normally not so forward with my emotions. I think I shall apologize to her tomorrow. Faramir has already told me countless times before that _nobody_ enjoys listening to me speak on endlessly about that sword I lost the opportunity to obtain. Perhaps the lady merely wished to express her condolences... Or perhaps she knew of a place that sold such a sword! I should not have spoken about it at such length... but what a marvellous sword it was! Surely she would understand...?

Perhaps not. I will apologize to her tomorrow.

* * *

**19 Hísimë** **/ November 9th, 3018, TA**

****Today, I woke up to a frightful sight. The maiden I spoke with yesterday was standing at the side of my bed, gazing down upon me. Now, I do not mean to insult the lady's appearance - many would consider her fair and I have heard other men comment on her beautiful, glittering eyes. Nevertheless, that simply does not make waking up to a set of bright glittering lights and loud breathing very pleasant.

At least, she was not very offended when I leapt up and almost killed her. She is most tolerant, I find. But moving on... The reason for her visit was to re-phrase her question yesterday. Or so she claimed. I'm quite sure it is her attempt at revenge, and I must say, she was quite successful at it.

It had started of all well enough. She greeted me by my formal title, "Greetings, Boromir, Son of Denethor..." and then it all went downhill from there. Although I should be impressed with her knowledge of Gondorian History, tracing my lineage all the way back to Mardil Voronwë as a form of greeting was just a bit redundant.

After that tedious exchange was over, she proceeded to talk in circles...

"So how is your father now, Boromir, do you know?"

"I'm sure he is fine..."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

And on it went. I'm not sure why she is so concerned with him. What can possibly be wrong with my father? And then, finally, she spoke her mind.

"Boromir... Did you ever have a _partner_ in Gondor, for when you were feeling the need to...work off tension?"

Ah. The topic has moved to sparring! How excellent!

"Why, yes, of course! In fact, I had _many_ of them! I couldn't be expected to just wait upon _one_ person should the need arise, now could I?"

At that, her face blanched. I looked at her in confusion. Surely if one wishes to spar, one does not have to wait for a designated partner?

"I... see," she replied, her voice shaky. "Did you have anyone.. you preferred?"

"Well, usually Faramir is too busy with his books to--"

She let out a shriek. "Your brother?!"

I quickly back-tracked. "Well, do not misunderstand  
me, lady! Faramir and I get along splendidly!"

Before I could say more, she had dashed out of the door, sobbing hysterically. Hrmph. I know she values family, but there was really no need for her to be so sensitive. It is merely sparring! I feel no hostility towards my brother! Perhaps when she has calmed down, I shall explain to her that I love Faramir dearly.  
  


* * *

**19 Ringar** **ë / December 9th, 3018, TA**

****A month has passed since the maiden who spoke with me killed herself. A strange thing... She almost seemed better, until I had mentioned Faramir again. I'm beginning to think that perhaps she harbours a grudge against him... Although why anyone would be ill-disposed towards Faramir, I know not.

Fortunately, one of Gandalf's apprentices arrived yesterday and brought her back to life. And even better, she has ceased to bother me with her questions!

* * *

**27** **Ringar** **ë / December 17th, 3018, TA**

****This was an especially awkward day, as many gathered to speculate on Lord Elrond's decision. He will soon be choosing those who would accompany Frodo and his companion on his quest. Gandalf will go, and I suppose his apprentices will be coming along, too. Aragorn as well, considering how fond the halfling is of him. And Elrond will most definitely be sending elves along on the quest as well.

I sincerely hope he does not choose Legolas. I have not seen that elf leave his bedroom since about a month and a half ago. What does he do in there, anyway? Write poetry?

* * *

**28** **Ringar** **ë / December 18th, 3018, TA**

****Elrond has chosen, and Legolas _will_ in fact be joining us on the quest. I still haven't the faintest clue why Elrond has chosen him. He was not even there when Elrond announced the names of the Fellowship!

And Nine Walkers against the Nine Riders... Where has Elrond's memory gone? What about the orcs? And the Dark Lord himself? Never thought I'd say this, but some of these maidens have at least some sense in them.

Now, it will be the Nine Walkers and an army of maidens. Funny, I never realized that there were so many of them!

Well, at any rate, I should be getting some rest. We depart in seven days.  
  


* * *

**3 Narviny** **ë / December 25th, 3018, TA**

****So we set off now to destroy the One Ring. We must look like an odd bunch of travellers, indeed... Four hobbits, two men, an elf, a dwarf and wizard... Followed by thousands of maidens in various arrays of glittering gowns and robes.

I am now doubting the wisdom of the decision to bring them along. If this does not attract the attention of the Dark Lord, what will?

* * *

**21** **Narviny** **ë** **/  
January 12th, 3019, TA**

****I hate Caradhras. And I hate elves and wizards even more. Walking on top of snow. Flying over the mountains. Have they no pity for those of us who must trudge knee-deep through the freezing ice? At least Gandalf had the decency to walk along with the rest of us, though he insisted he cannot fly.

Ha! If Gandalf cannot fly, how is it possible that his apprentices can?  
  


* * *

**22** **Narviny** **ë** **/  
** **January 13th, 3019, TA**

****Someone finally had the good sense to suggest that we turn away from Caradhras. Although certain apprentices of Gandalf insisted on defeating the mountain, Gandalf did not want to waste time.

Journeyed along without any incidents. Unless you count the taming of the wolves in the early morning. Not really an incident, as a group of maidens are now taking good care of the wolves and no one was hurt.  
  


* * *

**25 Narviny** **ë /** **January 15th, 3019, TA**

****Gandalf fell today. A most curious thing, as I did not peg the wizard as the clumsy sort. As the daughter of Glorfindel fought against the Balrog, Gandalf slipped on the edge and fell into the abyss.

All the maidens were most distraught, as Gandalf was like a foster father to all them. How he ever found the time to do so, I shall never guess. But he _is_ a wizard, and I should not question his ways.

Now, I am just as grieved as the next person of Gandalf's untimely death... but I do wish these maidens would stop crying and howling. How is anyone to get any sleep if this is to continue?

* * *

**27** **Narviny** **ë / January  
17th, 3019, TA**

I hate Caras Galadhon even more than Caradhras. I doubt that the similarities in their names are mere coincidences. The temptation of the ring is growing, and I do not like that lady Galadriel looking into my mind. My mind has been looked into quite enough already, thank you very much. Ever since I entered Lórien, her daughters have been reading people's minds like there's no tomorrow!

And I'm afraid I am not quite as versed in Elvish lore as I had originally thought. Large families must be quite common with elves. The number of daughters Galadriel has nearly rivals that of Elrond!

* * *

**26** **Nénimë  
/ February 16th, 3019, TA**

****After a month of dawdling within those cursed woods, we finally depart. Lady Galadriel gave each one of us gifts... Yes. Every. Single. One of us. I did not anticipate the gift-giving to last two full days.

And again, our army grows, as all of lady Galadriel's daughters decided to join our quest. While I do not doubt their noble intentions, I do wish lady Galadriel could have spared us some of her _warrior_ elves.

* * *

**6 Súlimë / February 26th, 3019, TA**

****The Ring's temptation is now more and more difficult to resist. In a fit of madness, I think I tried to take the Ring from Frodo... I think I tried to hurt him. I am not sure if it was a blessing or not, but twelve maidens quickly came to his side, jumped on top of him, and kept me from the ring. Then he vanished.

I should dearly hope he will be safe. I fear that this mistake will haunt me until my death, and even then, I am not sure I will get the reprieve I wish for...

Oh no. Merry and Pippin have gotten themselves into another mess with the orcs! Where were all the maidens that were supposed to protect them? Last I saw, a large mass of them were following Legolas and Aragorn. Another group had been trying to find Frodo and Sam...

I blew on the horn of Gondor with all my might, and hoped that help would come. I fought off the orcs for as long as I could. Then, the arrow struck. And more arrows flew into my chest.

The world began to dim... and I thought I saw someone rip Aragorn away from me and hold me tightly, blubbering something about Faramir. Did she know that I am not Faramir?

Oh... how I wish the last sounds I heard were not those ghoulish shrieks of grief. I mean, I'm flattered that she would be upset over my death, but really... Let a dead man rest in peace.

* * *

**Next Chapter - The Wail of the Sues: Boromir Returns**


	2. The Wail of the Sues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As far as we know, the Quest to destroy the Ring only took place once. So, how on earth did all the extra Fellowship members fit in? Told from Boromir's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, thanks to Kielle for her original concept. Thanks to Gil Shalos, for the inspiring line "Quiet down, that crying will wake the dead!". Thanks also to all those who write the real Mary-Sues for giving me inspiration for this modest attempt at humour. I hope no offense is taken and that we can all have a good laugh together at this silliness. :-)

**Author's Note:** As before, thanks to Kielle for her original concept. Thanks to Gil Shalos, for the inspiring line "Quiet down, that crying will wake the dead!". Thanks also to all those who write the real Mary-Sues for giving me inspiration for this modest attempt at humour. I hope no offense is taken and that we can all have a good laugh together at this silliness. :-)

* * *

  
**Chapter Two - The Wail of the Sues**

**7 Súlimë/February 27th, 3019**

I know not when I regained consciousness; all I can remember is that hideous wail -- it just would not _stop_! Finally, I could take it no more and I awakened.

"Quiet down, would you?! That crying will wake the dead!" I shouted. An awkward pause ensued. "Oh."

"Boromir, my soul-mate, I am so _very_ happy you are finally alive again! I had to cry for an entire day before you could be revived by my undying love for you!"

I cringed. Well, that would certainly explain why my ears were hurting so badly. I slowly sat up and took in my surroundings. Except for Frodo and Sam, and the army of hobbit-lasses that followed them, the rest of the fellowship was still here. Legolas was perched on a branch, frantically stuffing leaves in his ear while Gimli chuckled quietly. Beside them, Aragorn was banging his head against a tree trunk for some unfathomable reason. The bodies of countless Uruk-hai were also scattered on the ground, and many of the maidens seemed to be re-painting their faces.

_Merry! And Pippin!_ My memories flooded back to me. _Were they captured? Is that what is causing the distress among them?_

"Boromir! Boromir!"

Recognizing the voices of the halflings, I blinked in confusion. Since when have they been this loud? Grimacing, I motioned for them to lower their voices.

"Sorry, Boromir," whispered Pippin. "The crying, y'know... our ears are still ringing."

Just as I was about to question them further on what had passed, the two hobbits were flung aside mercilessly. I stared in shock at the maiden who threw them so carelessly to the ground.

"Leave Boromir alone, you two. He needs time to recover and to be nursed back to health by me," she said sternly, shaking her finger at the hobbits. I cleared my throat.

"Actually, lady, I am not feeling so bad. And I do not mind the company of Merry and Pippin."

"But wouldn't you rather have _my_ company?" she asked, leaning in close against me. While I struggled to find a polite response to her question, Aragorn snapped out of his bout of insanity and ordered that we continue our journey. _Perhaps Aragorn isn't so bad, after all._

And so, we continued on our way.

* * *

  
**9 Súlimë/ March 1st, 3019**

A sudden insight hit me today as I listened to the pleasant chatter of the halflings. It was only now that I realized the true wisdom of lord Elrond's choice to send these maidens along. Not only have we gained an army, their glittering outfits are sure to blind _anyone_ that would try and spy on us! The foresight of the elves never ceases to amaze me.

And speaking of blinding... Gandalf decided to return, but apparently, not before he washed his robes - they were now a bright white colour instead of their former grey. After several hours of tearful reunions between Gandalf and his adopted daughters (I did not realize they had come along...?), we finally departed for Edoras. I would have argued with Gandalf about heading to Minas Tirith instead, but by then, I was simply too weary from hearing the maidens cry about how much they had missed the old wizard.

But it is not a complete loss. Perhaps I can ask King Théoden to come to Gondor's aid while I am there.  


* * *

**10 Súlimë/ March 2nd, 3019**

At his bidding, I spoke to Gandalf of what had passed while he was away.

"All my apprentices were captured by my evil nemesis Fladnag, you say? Pity..." he said, an expression of grief upon his face. Strangely enough though, his eyes seemed to be twinkling with joy. And even stranger was the fact that he chose to speak to me instead of Aragorn. When I inquired into the matter, Gandalf merely shook his head.

"I fear that a heavy spell has befallen him... everyone," he replied gravely. "Even the dwarf Gimli. Poor soul - he has done naught to deserve this but be a friend of Legolas."

"I do not understand. Does this mean that I am under a spell as well?" I asked.

"Aye, all of us are affected, although some of us to a lesser extent," he answered. "You are stronger than I had originally thought, Boromir of Gondor, and you may yet prove to be pivotal to the survival of us all."

I was about to ask what the wizard had meant, but we were interrupted by a loud shriek coming from the back of the company. Soon, many of the other maidens joined in the shrieking.

"What is this?" I yelled over the noise.

"If I am not mistaken, this is known as Celine Dion!" shouted Gandalf.

As we continued to walk, the shrieks became louder and louder. I shot Legolas a hateful glare as I realized that he could hear none of this, having stuffed his ears with leaves earlier on. If he was under any spell, it certainly had not affected his keen sense of what was to come.

* * *

  
**17 Súlimë/March 9th, 3019**

Still in Rohan. What a diplomatic mess! The maidens had jumped on King Théoden's trusty advisor, Gríma Wormtongue, and ripped him to pieces. I _thought_ I saw Éowyn amongst the angry mob as well, but I could not be sure. Anyway, King Théoden was not pleased with us at all. He even took Shadowfax back from Gandalf in his rage, despite Gandalf's protests that Wormtongue was a spy sent by Saruman. If you ask me, the wizard should have said that before Wormtongue was killed.

* * *

  
**19 Súlimë/March 11th, 3019**

I just feel terrible about leaving Gandalf behind to deal with this dreadful murder business, but we could not afford to tarry in Rohan any longer. Gandalf did not seem to mind all that much as he ushered us off, though. In fact, I could have sworn I saw him look _relieved_ at the prospect of facing Théoden's wrath.

In other news, our army grew again as Aragorn's former rangers joined us on our quest. Apparently, all the female rangers in Middle-Earth were under Aragorn's command, as I did not glimpse any males in their midst. Still, they are bound to be useful to us, so I will not complain.

**Nightfall...**

Middle-Earth is on fire. Well, not really, but I do wish that the rangers hadn't all insisted on making a fire individually. Yes, they know how to make fire. That is to be expected of rangers. They really didn't need to prove their abilities by making hundreds of small campfires all around us.

I sighed heavily - the heat was truly starting to bother me. This was going to be a long night...

"Boromir! There you are! I thought that pesky Gandalf would _never_ stop talking to you!"

_NO! Not her again!_ I buried my face in my hands and prayed to the Valar that she would leave. No such luck, however. The Valar have most likely lost their hearing thanks to her endless crying.

"And what is on your mind tonight, lady?" I asked, deciding to make the best of things.

"Weeelll," she drawled, giving me a strange look. "If you don't mind, perhaps I could have a go at the horn of Gondor?"

I nearly laughed out loud. "Absolutely not! It is a priceless heirloom, and should only be used in dire emergencies!"

"Agh! That's not what I meant!" She took a few minutes to calm herself down and spoke to me again. "OK, how 'bout this - would you mind showing me the.. um... Tower of Ecthelion anytime tonight?"

This time I laughed out loud. _What a silly woman!_

"My lady, in case you have not noticed, we are still quite a distance from Minas Tirith, and until we reach it, you will have to put off all of your sightseeing plans."

She did not seem pleased with my answer as she started to grind her teeth in a most alarming manner.

"One last chance, Boromir," she said warningly. Then she perked up and said in a sweet voice, "So, how 'bout you unsheath your sword and have some fun with me tonight?"

"That would be most excellent, dear lady," I replied. _Finally, a reasonable request!_ "I could use some exercise."

At that point, she struck a strange pose and started blinking rapidly at me. I hesitated. What art of fighting is this? _Wait... wait... I think I understand what I must do! Nodding, I gave her a bright smile._

"Don't move," I cautioned as I moved closer. Her breath caught as I slowly reached out to her... and swatted at her eyes.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" she asked furiously, rubbing at her eyes.

"Oh... oh. My apologies, lady. I thought you had something in your eye. I assure you that this is not how I normally spar with my opponents..."

"Spar?!" she asked incredulously. "Oh, I do not believe this! Are you supposed to be this thickheaded, Boromir, or are the fates just working against me?"

I stared blankly at her, and after a few moments, she stomped off to sulk in the woods. Odd... I didn't noticed the woods behind us until now.

* * *

  
**20 Súlimë/March 12th, 3019**

**Morning...**

The woods behind us miraculously disappeared this morning, replaced by a flat plain. I dare not think of how this might have occurred, but I suspect that a forest fire was at the root of all this.

Yawning, I stood up and stretched, taking in the view around me. I nearly choked as I saw Legolas walk by me, looking more weary than ever.

"Ahem. Legolas? Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Hmm? Oh. My bow is being repaired by Aragorn. Accidentally rolled over on it last night."

"Actually..." I paused, unsure of how to continue. "I was referring to your distinct lack of clothing."

He merely shrugged.

"Resistance is futile," he replied, walking off into the woods that suddenly appeared in front of us. _What in all of Middle-Earth...? The elf is giving up already! Hrmph. Well, I must say -- if one wants to give up and die, there are better ways to go about it than to try and catch a cold in the woods._ I shook my head and lied back down on the ground.

**Noon...**

"AAAH! What are you _doing_?" I jumped up and pried the arms of the sleeping maiden off me. I touched my neck gingerly, where several bruises have appeared. Is she trying to kill me?

"Boromir...?"

I quickly stepped away from her, trying to determine her motives. Immediately, she followed and latched onto my neck again, paying no heed to the fact that I was choking. After much struggling, I managed to throw her on the ground with a thud.

"What is it that you want? Out with it, vile servant of Darkness!"

A dreamy expression came upon her face. "Your sword..." she murmured. I shook my head in disbelief. _That is no reason to try and kill me!_

"Oh, for the love of Eru...! If that is all you wanted, you should have said so! Here, take my sword!" I threw the sword at her and turned away... only to come face-to-face with Aragorn.

"Yes, Aragorn?" My frustration was mounting and I was in no mood to speak to _him_ of all people today. He pointed behind me.

"Why did you kill her?" he asked.

I frowned at his question. "I did not kill her! I merely gave her my sword, as she requested."

"An interesting way of phrasing matters, Boromir," he said, looking almost amused.

"That is ridicul--" Then, I turned around and saw what had happened. A sword had pierced her through the heart, and now, she lay on the ground, bleeding profusely. "Hm. Well. What do you know."

"Indeed. You _do_ realize that this will jeopardize Gondor's relations with Gabonzola, won't you?"

"I beg your pardon? Gabon-what?"

Aragorn sighed impatiently. "Gabonzola, our most powerful ally. You just killed its Queen! Have you paid any attention to your lessons as a child? Or have you been too busy with swordplay to care?"

Too shocked to respond, I simply stared at Aragorn. _That's it. The man has gone mad. I may not have been the most attentive to my studies, but I do know that Gabonzola does not exist! No wonder Gandalf did not wish to speak with him._

Gandalf... He is the only one that can make any sense out of all this anymore!

Muttering my apologies, I quickly turned to the nearest road and headed back for Rohan.

* * *

  
**2 Víressë/March 25th, 3019**

Will wonders never cease? It would seem that the Dark Lord had been defeated and Middle-Earth returned to its former glory while Gandalf and I were caught up in the dispute with King Théoden.

Perhaps my fears _were_ unfounded. After all, the darkness has been lifted from our land, has it not? I should have known better than to have believed the wizard's strange warnings. Father was right - again - I should not be too trusting of everything I hear.

Later...

Wonderful news! The fellowship will be re-united tomorrow, and I will have the opportunity to meet the one who persuaded Sauron to repent and ask the Valar for forgiveness. This promises to be most interesting!

In other happy news, Frodo told me that I could have the Ring now if I wanted. It was no longer corrupt, after the tears of the many maidens cleansed it.

* * *

  
**3 Víressë/March 26th, 3019**

The fellowship reunion went wonderfully, although I do regret not being able to meet the one who "tamed" the Dark Lord, so to speak. Apparently, she had faded out of this world, as per the prophecy that painted her destiny. Or some other such poetic verse... Whatever Aragorn had said.

Anyway... as I was saying -- everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely, although Gimli had started off acting quite grumpy, muttering about Legolas' absence. Honestly, that dwarf is too harsh on the elf. It is hardly Legolas' fault that all his dearest childhood friends were suddenly hurt at the same time. And even if his friends were well, he'd still need plenty of time to prepare for the marriage his father had so kindly arranged for him.

Yes, all will be well once again. Although Gandalf insisted that we will all succumb to a fate worse than death, I am sure that he was exaggerating.

Legolas is betrothed to Luiniâthwen, whose beauty is rumoured to surpass even that of Luthien Tinuviel. Aragorn is marrying to one of his rangers, whose psychic powers were finally accounted for when she was identified as Galadriel and Elrond's lost daughter. The hobbits have also found companions back in the Shire; and even Gimli found a dwarf-maiden to settle down with.

I personally cannot see any signs of doom in these future events. Now, I must close off this journal and head back to Gondor. Since Aragorn has forgotten to claim the throne in his new-found happiness, I have been declared the new King of Gondor. Life is good.

****

The End

  


* * *

  
**Author's Note:** After all the suffering Boromir has endured, not only in the books/movie, but also at the hands of fangirls who have turned him into everything from a wimpy loser to a horrible rapist, I thought that he deserved something better - hence the ending.

PS - I know that last image of Elrond & Galadriel is a bit disturbing, considering Galadriel is Elrond's mother-in-law, but there is no logic in Mary-Sue-Land.


End file.
